40 weeks pregnant: What's that feel like?

For some reason I had it in my head that I would be done being pregnant by now.  I'm pretty sure everyone else expected me to still be pregnant but not me.  I thought she'd be here before the holiday.  And then I didn't want her to come over the holiday because everyone's schedules are so unpredictable this weekend and my biggest fear would come true, we'd birth our third child while our first two waited in the waiting room with ipads..  But that didn't happen (yet) because she never did come over the holiday weekend.  It wasn't till Thursday evening that I really believed I'd be pregnant for 40 weeks.  And here I am just at 40 weeks.  Technically she could come in the next 5 hours making her a due date baby but given the lack of contractions and any real signs of labor, I'd say that's an unlikely scenario.

I just want to get these thoughts down because this is exactly it: we were at a birthday party today and someone snuggling their newborn baby (born at 38.5 weeks) said this to me which was spot on.  At the end I was just so depressed.  And she's right.  I am depressed.  I am miserably 40 weeks pregnant and still don't have the prize, the baby and there is nothing I can do to become comfortable and everything I want to do is impossible or exhausting.  Everything I want to eat makes me miserable.  This includes beverages which is bad considering it's 80+ degrees outside and we've been outside or in a hot house all weekend long.  I can't  sit for too long or stand for too long or walk for too long or be still for too long.  I can only lay down when I am absolutely 100% ready to pass out or the restless legs and heartburn will keep me up till just before I have to pee and then it all starts over again. I want to splash in the sprinkler with my boys and make a big huge water fight obstacle course but that's not happening and I get sad for them.  That their start to summer and their holiday is held together by what energy I can barely muster.   
 
Going through years of infertility you learn not to complain about pregnancy.  I think I did a good job of not complaining through the first 16 weeks of 'anytime of day sickness' and cherished that growing life inside.  I am thankful every day that I am able to carry a pregnancy to term and am able to do so without bed rest or heavy restrictions or complications to myself or the baby  I praise God we've been lucky to not have to deal with any health scares or complications and that this baby girl is doing what she should be doing: growing and growing and growing.  I know that I shouldn't complain and I should look at all of this as the blessing and the miracle that it is.  So please forgive me for momentarily getting my thoughts out so that I can move past them and continue to be anxious in a positive way knowing that, no, I won't be pregnant forever.  In the scheme of all things that could be temporary this is the most temporary.  It will be over very soon.

We kept 4th of july very simple this year. It was great  grilled burger, dogs, chicken salmon and brats.  Made fruit salad and guac.  Paper everything and it was all eaten and cleaned up before we went to bed which was perfect.  Lower key this year then last.  No injured children,  More fireworks because the kids were really in to in this year and the "circle" in our neighborhood has really expanded in the last few months.  we started with sparklers at 7:30 and ended with the "big ones" at just past 10:15.  Since we didn't drive anywhere a little sweeping of the street and scavenging for neighbors empty garbage cans, we were home and in bed at a decent time.  Wesley was only afraid for about 1 minute then he loved every minute.   It really was pretty perfect for our current situation. 

No work for me the rest of the week.  It's a good and bad thing.  I've got some things to keep me busy the first part of the week  We need the kids in day camp in case I do go in to labor they have someplace known and predictable to go during the day.   We DONT have anything lined up for next week though so that could be a challenge if she stays put another week.  Better go buy another ipad. 

It's gonna be hot (relatively) here this week.  Evan accused me of wanting to be pregnant in the summer.  No, I wanted to be OFF in the summer enjoying our baby, not carrying her around in my belly during the hot weather.  Hot weather is another thing I swore I would never complain about so I'm going to suck it up and not complain.  Instead I'm going to give up cooking this week, when we are tired of hamburgers, chicken, and sausages on the grill we will order in or eat out or take a picnic to the park.  And we'll deal with it like normal people not carrying around an extra person would do.  tomorrow is a pool date with some friends for the 4-7 session so we'll eat there.  So there.  I have 1 night meal planned.  I'm better than I thought I was!