Poor Evan

3 words: Guilty, full, gloomy

4th day in a row that it's "seattle fall". Already? Seems to early. Also 4th day in the row I've seen someone (usualy female) trecking up any number of hills in our neighborhood working up a great sweat, and I stare longingly at them remembering the time when I could do that too! Which got me thinking of all the things I'm weeks (Lord willing) away from enjoying on a more consistent basis.

• Working up a great sweat in any manner getting my heart rate above 140
• Lifting things (like laundry) that would rest on my torso normaly
• Looking in the fridge for a snack not thinking about how much heart burn I'm about to give myself
• Wearing fall clothes, heals, nice work pants, suits, jackets that button, sweaters that cover my belly, pants that zip, snap or button
• Finishing the evening with a glass of wine (or 2)
• Some good sushi

How ungreatful am I? When I saw a woman buttoning up her coat today and I tried to do the same I instantly got jealous, but then I thought, i have SO MUCH more to be greatful for! So I'm going to start the power of positive thinking and being greatful instead, maybe that will help cheer me up.

• Instead of: These guys (at work) stress me out way too much, they need to learn to depend on me less and be more proactive on their own accounts. They need to be less demanding of my time because in 2 weeks I won't be here daily. I'm going to try to think: I'm thankful for a job where I'm valued as a co-worker and employee and my experience and knowledge have given my boss and co-workers confidence in me and my work.
• Instead of: I'm tired of being so huge, I wish I had clothes that fit and that I could look like a 'normal' person again. I'm going to try to think: I'm lucky to have a healthy baby that is growing and will not be preterm. I will (hopefully) be able to take baby home with us instead of having to leave him to grow in the hospital on machines and meds. I'm also lucky that I haven't had any major complications and have had no other issues with my pregnancy. I'm so greatful to be given the opportunity to experience this mircle and to be growing inches each day because I the ultimate result is worth all of this. No swollen feet, I hardly wadle and as Dr. Miller says, most women felt like me weeks ago. I'm lucky to have lasted as long as I have.
• Instead of: There is not enough time in the day to get everything done, I'm so tired, I'm so cranky and I've got such a short fuse. I'm going to try to think: OK I don't really have one for that but perhaps the previous one will work here too.

Evan't birthday is tomorrow and I am beyond a bad wife this year. I did get him a card but that's about it! He mentioned wanting an I Pod once so I got excited and was going to have a kit installed in his car for that but when I told him that I'd need to trade him cars tomorrow, he asked why and I told him and he said no. I tried to send him a big cookie to work but when I asked for the address he said he can't accept deliveries at his work so I shouldn't send him anything. Instead I'm going to go take him to lunch and drop off a cookie. That will have to work. (although last time I dropped off cookies, a receptionist called him to tell him he had a package and he forgot about it and never picked them up. I think he learned his lesson). Big fat not fun birthday. He said he might want to go out to a bar or something tomorrow night, but he wasn't sure. I thought I should warn David and Anita and now they want to know what time and where so they can arrange a babysitter but Evan doesn't know what or where or when so that won't work. He doesn't like attention in general so I'm not surprised he's acting so blah about this. I told him his gift was that he can play Halo 3 most of the weekend and not be bothered by my honey-do list. He thought that was quite the jump from wanting to have a party for him but I doubt he'll complain.

Our bed was delivered today and as of right now is sitting in the hallway. They didn't even "install" it because the old bed was still there. Oh well, it took about 45 minutes for me to drive home, let them in, and drive back to work. They were waiting there when I got there so I feel little bit of justification but still have yet to talk to a manager. It's over now. I've let it go. Hopefully tonight we'll both sleep great. The baby is very mobile today, he's excited about something, Evan thinks it's the new bed. We'll see how he feels tomorrow!

I'll end with a picture from this weekend with Owen and Ashley, just as a reminder of where we are. It was a good fall day but pretty hazy so not a great view. If the clouds were gone there would be a great view of the mountain. This is from Evan's favorite place, Cary Park, in Queen Anne.